Big eats, cheese, and toilet seats: 5 subtle, yet significant, oddities I noticed across the pond

There are some things that one is forewarned about as a naïve Brit heading to the States. These forewarnings are generally about magnitude...in essence, everything is just really massive. The portion sizes, the cars, the highways, the shopping malls. You're usually informed about these things by peers in-the-know – the ones who've been there, done that, and got their tacky T-shirt in the Land of Liberty. Even if you haven't fully amped up your expectations, local adjustment occurs very quickly upon arrival when you find yourself sipping from a bucket after ordering a large caffeinated beverage to fight the jet-lag.

There are also a lot of things about which pop culture and general knowledge usually provide sufficient enlightenment: tipping culture, fries not chips, biscuits not cookies, left-hand drive, highways not motorways, yada yada. If you're lucky enough, you may also be readily prepared for the senseless sales tax system, in which tax is added onto the items at the till rather than before, and so nothing is ever the nicely rounded price that's listed elsewhere. There are those rumours about the lack of electric kettles, too, which never cease to incite fear into my quintessentially English soul. However, I have generally never found this to be as big a crisis as anticipated. Just be sure to pack a decent size box of Yorkshire Tea in your suitcase, and avoid any collateral damage that won't be covered on your insurance by refusing to let a local make you a cuppa.

But aside from these frequently reported differences, there are a number of less apparent, yet significant points of divergence between British and US culture. These are the things that could go unnoticed on a short-trip, or maybe to a tourist who is blessed enough to enjoy themselves without overthinking and overanalysing everything in their path. There are many things I could add to this list, but I hereby present The Waffling Wanderer's Top 5 subtle, yet significant, oddities of American culture – from an embarrassingly British perspective.

1. What's the time?

Quarter past nine. Except, this means nothing across the pond.

It was only after several confusing misunderstandings with my host family in Washington did it become apparent that the concepts of 'quarter past' and 'quarter to' when telling the time were non-existent in US English. To avoid losing your dinner reservation, ensure you use the terminology nine fifteen or nine forty-five only. In a similar vein, refrain from using the 24 hr clock system as that, too, often induces vacant stares.

2. Unnecessarily fairy-taled flavour names that are mostly just sugar

It turns out that a Snickerdoodle isn't a canine crossbreed! In fact, it's just a very sugary cinnamon cookie (which, in hindsight, explains why it's on menus...). Sadly, it's nothing like a good old Snickers bar, despite its name. It contains no peanuts at all. Though cinnamon adorned, it has nothing else in common and is decidedly inferior to the Belgian Speculoos (i.e. BISCOFF, which actually has a distinctly special and unparalleled flavour). The confectionary aisle in Walmart, for all the colours and combinations, was a migraine waiting to happen. The fanciful flavour names certainly overhype a confectionary selection that will taste of pure sugar and heavy processing regardless of the choice you make. Don't get me wrong – I certainly have a sweet tooth. But, in my humble opinion – sugar is like the heat of a chilli – you need enough to make it worthwhile, but not too much that you miss out on all of the other spices and ingredients. Though, this comparison is certainly unfair on all other world cuisines, given the crazed reliance on artificial flavourings found here that are banned in the UK and EU.

3. Scones

Whilst we're talking sweet, this one personally offended me. If you order a scone expecting a delightfully soft, subtly flavoured simple cake that you can lash with jam and clotted cream, you'll not get one here. This, sickly-sweet, florid monstrosity is, apparently, what the US of A calls a scone. Though already double the size of an English scone, there was enough candied fruit, white chocolate, icing and flavoured adornments it to satisfy something four times this size, and I could only stomach half of this in one sitting due to its sheer richness. It wasn't unpleasant, it was just...a lot. Such is the American palette when it comes to sugar, I suppose. In hindsight, perhaps I would have felt less dejected if it hadn't pretended to be a scone. I'm certainly not against an indulgent sweet treat, but as an English lass with many fond memories of classic afternoon cream teas in the summertime, I simply felt how I can only imagine pureblooded Italians must feel when they see a Starbucks' Frappuccino.

4. Charlatan Cheese

I'm sorry, but the best thing since sliced bread certainly isn't shredded (or as we say in England, grated) cheese. Especially when that cheese looks and tastes like it's at least 50% polyethylene. Why is buying cheese that isn't pre-shredded is such an unusual concept for Americans? Apparently, buying cheese in a block or a wedge is uncommon enough that it requires explaining in the form of a 'money saving hack' Instagram reel. And any dairy curd lover beware, not only will you find a distinct lack of your favourite blue, soft, and smoked varieties, but you'll also find your soul crushed by the large variety of plasticated – and sometimes even pulped – imposters. A very faint silver lining is that American cheese rarely stinks out the refrigerator or passes its sell-by date...but this, again, is mainly due to its seemingly synthetic nature. If a baked Camembert de Normandie is Organic Egyptian Cotton sheets, American cheese is sleeping in a bin bag.

5. And we just have to talk about the toilets.

From what goes in to what goes out...I can't conclude without mentioning American thrones. What's with

the extra wide oval shape and the foolishly high water level? Though I am certainly not opposed to a bidet or an Asian-style toilet hose, I like this to be something that I can exercise my freedom of choice upon concluding my business. An enforced backwash within seconds of bricklaying is simply impractical. I've heard others complain about the huge gaps in the doors and sides between the stalls in public conveniences, which do make one feel somewhat at risk of exposure. However, for me this issue went fairly under my radar, as I was often distracted by how low to the ground the toilets seemed to be, and how sometimes they projected out from the wall at quite a distance.

That being said, one area in which I did wholeheartedly appreciate American supersizing, was the size of the cubicle spaces. I'm an average-sized human female, but as a chronic backpack wearer, my beloved backpack grazing walls and doors that could be laden with particulates of the faecal variety fills me with anxiety. Having space to turn around with it still on my back certainly made the entire experience much less unsettling. I cannot, unfortunately, speak of American urinals, but I shall leave you with this image. An incidence I only encountered once in a very peculiar diner in Shelton, WA. Of course, I sent the picture immediately to my best gal pal and began formulating a business plan to propose to nightclubs.

Well from clocks to scones to bogs, these are the top five things that this idiot abroad found absurd about the USA. Nonetheless, though I would struggle to live there (for reasons other than the cheese, I must add), the States is undeniably a land of bounty, beauty and adventure – and this wanderer isn't finished with it yet.